Two weeks. Two weeks we have been on this, "place". Planet 00624. Doesn't have a name yet, but it definitely has a nickname! Mud World, because thats exactly what it is. We came to search discover, even though this place is disgusting! I guess America wants EVERY planet there is. Well at least I have my two friends, Oliver and Ryan. Ryan's the brain of all this technological planet stuff and Oliver is the excited explorer.
We want to go back home now but our ships damaged due to a stupid landing. So we decided to go for a BIG walk see if mud wasn't the only thing on this planet. We were hoping to find at least something, something that would repair our spaceship. Yeah I don't think so but who cares we're not going back home anyway. It was only after a couple days of walking when I realised a shadow. Not a human shadow, something, bigger. I turned and saw nothing. Then I looked down.
There was a huge slithering snake thingy. Getting bigger, closer and faster. "TIME TO GO" I shouted and we all ran for our lives we were going to be ok for now but I tripped! I got up but it was to close! Then it came, and helped me? What was this? Well it looks like a lonely old creature that just wanted a Friend.
Nice story Jack it really engaged me. Your ideas were original and cool you also followed the questions and I think you finished. You punctuated your dialogue correctly also. Your title was good as well.
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